this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
