I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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