but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
