maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
We smell like vodka and hangover
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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