I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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