oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
