so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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