wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
