Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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