yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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