awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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