You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize