Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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