ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
