yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize