i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Randomize
