thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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