ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
