Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
