so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
