Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
