no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
