What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
