I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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