I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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