TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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