i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
