If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
