My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
