I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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