Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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