Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
