life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
