Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
