It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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