carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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