So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
