office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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