She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
