Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
