so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize