He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
