This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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