yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
birth control should be required to get into college
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You ate ashes out of my bong
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
