Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
