i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
