Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
