So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
This house was built for laser tag.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
