if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
