Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dignity is for republicans.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
