The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
