Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My bed smells like the plague
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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