ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
