We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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