Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
