K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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