Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
