Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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