I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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