Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
