Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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