READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
