TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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