Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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