I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
