sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
