I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
